Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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