mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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