My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
40s are totally the cure
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
