thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
