I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
