Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
two words...techno handjob
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
