puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
