i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
