I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
