Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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