my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
