If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
