but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
3 2 1 whiskey
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
