I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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