Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
