are you still at the devil's house?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
