Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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