So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
