Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
