I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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