This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
