I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
