Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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