just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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