Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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