I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
