I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
