My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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