btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
