yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
