Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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