Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
