I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
