Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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