yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
