Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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