NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
