There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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