hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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