just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
