my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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