I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
