We're like a lot better than the average bears
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
