If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
