Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
