If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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