She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
