it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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