Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
