pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
