There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
