did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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