soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
