Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
All I want is dick and wine.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
