What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
