I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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