there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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