i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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