After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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