I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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