Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just had sex bonerless
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
