I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
