his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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