I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
